Guest post by Leslie at Give Me Paws

 What’s the greatest invention of all time?  Wireless communication?  The computer?  Polyurethane?  Ask my mom this question and she will say, unequivocally, the DISHWASHER.  She has been adamant about this since we were about 10 years old.  (Hey, did you ever notice that if you spell adamant, it’s the same as Adam Ant?  Is that where he got his name?) I think when I was about 13, I tried to convince her that running water, or the toilet may have topped the dishwasher for the greatest invention of all time, and she convinced me, with her grown-up logic, that I was wrong.  It was definitely the dishwasher.

So, knowing this is what I have been expected to believe, that the dishwasher is the best invention ever made, I am surprised at myself and my actions lately.  My dishwasher broke over a year ago.  It’s not a regular dishwasher.  It’s only 18 inches (remember, my urban condo is only 400-square feet).  This means that a new one will cost approximately twice as much as a regular-sized one.  I have been planning to replace it soon.  Turns out, that plan isn’t so much a plan as a vague idea that will never happen until I remodel this place (hopefully next summer?  Who’s with me?  Wells Fargo?  Citibank?).

I have this new game I play with myself called, “Would I Rather have THAT, or a New Dishwasher?”  So often, the answer is, “THAT.”  From this game, I have generated a list. It’s a list of things (based on results, as Dr. Phil says) that I’d rather have than a dishwasher.  Here goes…


1. A New (to me) Car (with brand new leather) – Can a dishwasher give you the smell of new leather every time you get in the car to go do c25k training?  I think we all know the answer to that.  Unless there’s a new kind of soap out there called ‘Dawn Leather’ that cannot be purchased in stores, only on tv, or as a free gift with a sham-wow purchase.
2. A Motorola Droid Phone (You know my kids don’t even know the word TELEphone ever existed?) – What?  It has a fancy gps system that I can use while on vacation to walk to the nearest nail salon (.9 miles) while I’m waiting for my bashed-in window to be replaced on the cursed car that I would soon replace with a new car with new leather (see #1).
3. Yoga Classes – Ok. I know that hand washing dishes every day is ‘very relaxing and peaceful’ according to some people.  However, I’m pretty sure if my goal is relaxing, I should probably combine it with a good workout.  I don’t think I can lose 20 pounds or relax on days off from running by washing dishes at the sink.
4.  Less Credit Card Debt – Don’t even make me re-hash the chair incident.  And by incident, I mean months-long trauma from my own very bad choices.
5.  A Super-Mega-Awesome-Ultra-Grand Road Trip (I’ve been watching too much Toddlers and Tiaras…ultimate grand supreme? really?) – No, I don’t always pee on the side of the highway.  Only sometimes.
6.  A Membership to eHarmony – We’ll see how this one goes.  So far, I’m thinking it might have been better to put that money toward the dishwasher.
7.  A Working Bathroom Faucet – This one is not surprising, and only made the list so I would have an even ten things on it.
8.  Tivo – Ok.  This maybe shouldn’t quite be on the list, since it would take about 3-4 years of this membership to make a dishwasher purchase, but still.  If I cut out enough $14/month purchases, I might be able to make some headway to the dishwasher.  But really?  Who could be bothered to watch TV at the times the shows are actually on??  And, the COMMERCIALS, good LORD, don’t get me started!  Without my dear friend Tivo –who I hope to marry one day if this eHarmony thing doesn’t work out– I would become like my grandfather who used to get up out of his chair (before there were remotes… ask your parents) and turn down the commercials, then get up again when Tom Snyder (that man has the most expressive eyebrows I have ever seen!) came back on, to turn the volume back up again.
9.  Mexican Martinis – I don’t know if they have these in other parts of the country, but here in Austin, these are my happy hour drink of choice.  Mmmm.  They’re like margaritas on steroids.  And they are not cheap.  Still, I’d hand-wash my dishes for years if it means I can have one (or two… there’s a limit of 2 per person) of these every couple of weeks!
10.  Pizza Delivery – My local pizza place, Milto’s, is heavenly.  With the whole wheat crust, and the gyros and the greek salad?  I love it when someone brings food to my door.  And, I can eat it off paper plates so I don’t have to wash any dishes when I’m done.

July 19th, 2010 | Tags: guest post | Category: guest post | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL