Work it
Apparently, the Obama girls are going to start working hard for the money. Babysitting.
Who exactly they’re babysitting—I have no idea. Probably Bristol Palin’s kid.
I never truly fulfilled this longtime teenage right of female passage into the workforce. Yes, I made sure my brothers didn’t kill themselves drinking bleach or cracking their skulls whilst jumping on and falling off of beds while my parents were away, but that hardly counts. I didn’t get paid for it and we have the same DNA—which I believe is directly correlated to the absence of payment.
However, babysitting the spawn of those completely unrelated to me is a different story. Actually, I think I only babysat other people’s kids once or twice when I was 16 and I don’t remember any details except that at one point I debated pouring a laxative into the middle child’s milk before bed because he was surely off his meds and thou reapeth what thou seweth, you incorrigible prepubescent.
Considering that I find the general population as a whole totally annoying, I care even less for little people (my children excluded—sort of) constantly clawing at my ankles while their whiny voices pound against my eardrums begging for crackers or jelly and other things that crumb and smear with ease all over my $4.50 Hanes Her Way t-shirt.
I’ve gone so far as boycotting my church because in order for me to drop my kids off at the child watch during the service, I must ‘volunteer’ in the child watch room once a month. (The word ‘volunteer’ suffers from a grave misuse here. Look it up, pastor who insists on saying ‘ironical’. Look. it. up.)
I realize this is only fair, but, don’t get mad when you find your kid tied to a chair and crying with the gospel choir remix of the Wonder Pets theme song on repeat in his ear. I told you I didn’t like children and a better trade would have been that you watch my kids and I’ll pretend your incessant badgering isn’t killing my Jesus buzz.
Then again, I might be able to get over myself for the right job. The Palin babysitting gig must pay a fortune—if not in dollars then perhaps in a new wardrobe. Maybe even a trip to Alaska. Could we swing by Russia real quick when we’re done?
I hear it’s like, right next door.*
*Sarah Palin jokes are so 2008. Whatever.
July 26th, 2010 at 7:28 am
I thought for a long, long time that I didn’t like other people’s kids. I did the babysitting thing and I liked kids then, but after I had my own, I was genuinely annoyed by other people’s kids.
And then I spent some time with other people’s kids who I actually found quite pleasant to be around. And that was when I realized that there are just a lot of really annoying kids out there and I don’t like them. But I like the kids who aren’t annoying. Even when they didn’t shoot out of my own hoo-ha.
July 26th, 2010 at 7:43 am
I had to ‘volunteer’ for all kinds of kid-related jobs at my old church, too. It made my question if God really wanted me to be so angry all the time.
July 26th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I have so many horror stories of babysitting. You are lucky you didn’t do more when you were younger. Scarred me for LIFE. I remember being 12 (I can’t believe my parents let me babysit for strangers at TWELVE) watching 4 kids under the age of 5. And I’d never changed a diaper. And the parents knew this when they left me with the rugrats. Idiot parents. It was horrible.
July 26th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Weird that you have to volunteer to leave your kid there. Can’t you just kick in an extra $5 when the offering plate goes around? I go to a big church and they staff the nursery–like you have to have a background check and everything before they let you behind that half-door thingie. I’d probably boycott my church, too, if they enforced such slavery.
July 26th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
oh my gosh – you crack me up!
July 26th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
I was a babysitter when I was in high school. I had a regular job sitting two weekday afternoons and every other Saturday night…for a family on my block with the three sweetest children on the planet. Once I did a favor for some friends of thiers who were in a pinch. The other family had two boys who were the spawn of the devil and who got a huge kick out of trying to grab my boobs every five minutes. It was the absolute longest night of my life.
Also…our church/school used to force my mom to volunteer for things in exchange for discounted tuition for us. Because she worked during the day, she often got stuck with nighttime activities like working in the kitchen during Bingo. When they asked her to do bus patrols in the morning before school she decided she had enough and the discount was no longer worth it. She paid full tuition for us from then on.
July 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
We are twins. I would boycott to avoid my volunteer duties, too. Myself and other people’s kids are a No Go.
July 26th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Those jokes may be somewhat 2008, but when you work them skillfully into a blog post like you just did, they can still be uproariously funny.
I babysat for awhile when I was in high school. I always let the kids stay up late. I was not a parent favorite.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
I’m not a kid person either. I babysat when I was young, but only a few times and then swore it off forever. I contemplated poison food and drinks one too many times to be considered a good babysitter.
July 26th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
I baby sat for a neighbor a couple of times as a teenager, but only after the children had gone to bed. I never liked the thought of looking after other people’s kids and never liked to even contemplate the idea of actually having kids of my own one day. Then I got into my 40’s and something changed, I realized it was now or never and now won. I love being a stay home Mom, but I still would not wish to look after other people’s children and large numbers of them, no way, so totally understand your views on the church requirements
July 26th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
I was the babysitting queen in my hood yo!
July 26th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
I feel like shit today but this made my smile. “jesus buzz” – maybe that’s what I need? As for babysitting…did more than enough back in the day and it only reconfirmed that other people’s children are, indeed, devil spawn. Which, of course, you already know.
July 26th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
How odd that I just realized that I have never actually babysat for anyone to whom I am not related. After all the time I spent reading Babysitter’s Club books, how did this happen??
And I also LOLed at “jesus buzz.”
And, if the Obama girls babysit, and their Secret Service detail has to come along, then the Secret Service guys should ask for a raise. Because we know who’s really doing the sitting. (Did anyone else just think of Vin Diesel in that cheesy Disney flick where he plays a Nanny? Or Hulk Hogan??)
July 26th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
This is so refreshing to hear this. I despised babysitting, although now that I think about it, I wonder if it was because I didn’t like the kids or that I was only making $1 an hour.
July 26th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
I loved babysitting as a teen..well, for all the rich summer people- they paid way more than any other job I could get and it was all cash! And, they would give me money to go out to eat and do fun stuff with the kids so i wasnt stuck at home with them.
Nowadays- Um, I would take the cash still..but not so much the kids.
I have tried dragging Andrew to church lately, so I can find a church in our area before we have kids…but if I have to watch OTHER kids, It will play into what church i pick!
July 26th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Just who exactly are these girls babysitting for? Like, you’d have to be screened by secret service first. Plus, we all know it will be some FBI type actually watching the kid, why the girls play in a secure location. And whats a fair wage to pay the presidents daughters?
July 27th, 2010 at 2:49 am
lol. ironical.
July 27th, 2010 at 10:58 am
I HATED this church we USED to go to b/c they MADE us do this…aren’t we told that God only wants our work if it’s done with a grateful heart? hmmm?
July 27th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
it seems like it’s not really holy to extort people.
Or is that not one of the commandments? I forget…
July 27th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I dont care if they are so 2008, I still go watch the SNL skits.
July 27th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
So, Ed brought up a good point. And yes, I’m commenting twice. The logistics of the Obama girls babysitting is apparently keeping me up at night.
Will the people for whom they sit be expected to pay them minimum wage? I mean, how does one argue with the daughters of the POTUS over the going-rate for baby sitting??
July 28th, 2010 at 1:07 am
This made me laugh! I can’t believe you’d let children interfere with your Jesus buzz! Ha! I’ve never heard it put that way before. You so crazy!
July 30th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I was a member of the Super Babysitter’s Club where I got to take a CPR class and have snacks and conversations with other teenagers who wanted to be super-qualified to do this “job.” It was such a boost of confidence for not really doing anything.
This is a funny post. My friend has a problem with church because they won’t let babies in the sanctuary. I think it’s a funny concept to force someone to “volunteer” if they want to use the services. Ridicurous.